Before I Let Go

Corey’s best friend, Kyra, has killed herself, drowning beneath the ice of the tiny Alaskan town of Lost Creek. Corey, who had left the small town seven months earlier, returns for Kyra’s memorial service—and to find answers. She doesn’t believe Kyra would kill herself, not when Corey was already planning to return in just a few days.  

When Corey returns to Lost Creek, she finds that she has been branded an outsider and that Kyra had been embraced by the town that had hated her previously. But all is not as it seems, and in the five days, Corey will uncover both Kyra’s and the town’s mysteries.  

The story is told from Corey’s first-person perspective in the present timeline, with flashbacks woven throughout to reveal the history of Corey and Kyra’s friendship. While Corey is the narrator, Kyra is undoubtedly the center of the story. The flashbacks reveal how Corey, the scientific mind, and Kyra, the storyteller, dreamed of escaping Lost Creek together. They also show how the town shunned Kyra following her bipolar diagnosis and how this adversity strengthened the bond between the two teenage girls.  Corey’s narration in the present is heavy with guilt and grief, and the absence of Kyra is felt in every word.  

Kyra’s bipolar disorder becomes central to the story, as the town dismisses her as insane without attempting to understand her condition—until they discover she has something valuable to offer them. Before Corey’s departure, Corey’s friendship helped Kyra manage her highs and lows. But after Kyra’s death, Corey discovered that the town twisted Kyra’s mania to their benefit. When people started to believe that Kyra’s paintings told the future, they hid her away and propped her up as a symbol rather than treating her as a girl. As Corey uncovers the extent of Kyra’s isolation, she too experiences isolation as she continues to ask questions no one wants to answer.  

Before I Let Go creates a beautiful picture of friendship, self-discovery, and love. Love bonds Corey and Kyra across space and time, and their love survives through their struggles and misunderstandings. Corey and Kyra are well-developed characters, but the other characters are almost one-sided, consumed by their obsession with Kyra’s supposed psychic powers. Corey doesn’t feel a connection to the other members of Lost Creek; therefore, the readers are not given space to connect with them either. Despite the book being centered on only two characters, readers will find themselves rooting for Kyra and Corey, and grieving Kyra as Corey does.  

Nijkamp also paints a harsh picture of mental health’s importance and the detrimental effects of isolation. Readers will be simultaneously moved by Corey’s and Kyra’s friendship but frustrated by the town’s small-mindedness. Alaska’s harsh setting reflects the Lost Creek’s immovable attitude, while Corey’s narration brings the readers alongside her as she uncovers the town’s prejudices and reckons with her own. “Love me or hate me if you want, I don’t care. But do it for all that I am, with all that I am,” Kyra pleads to Corey. The readers are faced with the same task. How do we love someone when they’re going through something terrible? How do we return home when we are not welcome there, when maybe we never were?  

Ultimately a story of hope, Before I Let Go reminds readers of the importance of loving people as they are. While its story is slightly fantastical, the dangers of ignoring mental health are real, and the friendship between Corey and Kyra grounds the book in reality. Although it is too late for Corey to save Kyra, the book offers a vital message of compassion and empathy, even if you have to go against the majority mindset to be a good friend.   

Sexual Content  

• In a flashback, Corey kisses Kyra. “I [Corey] pushed myself up on one arm, and on impulse, I reached out and wove my fingers through hers [Kyra’s]. . . I pressed my lips against hers and waited . . . When she opened her mouth and leaned in farther, she was hesitant and careful.” Corey ends the kiss because she does not feel romantic attraction toward Kyra.  
• Corey and Kyra talk about their relationship and Corey’s sexuality. Corey says, “I’m not attracted to you. I don’t think I’ve ever been attracted to anyone . . . I love you, but I’m not in love with you.” Kyra replies, “I love you, and I am in love with you.” 
• Corey and Kyra discover their sexual identities with articles from the library. “[The article] was the first time I’d seen asexuality spelled out, and I found myself in the description. Kyra claimed pansexual, and it fit her comfortably too.” 
• Two residents of Lost Creek, Sam and Roshan, spend the night in the abandoned spa building with Corey, and she finds them sharing a bed. “Instead, they lie together on the raggedy bed. Roshan’s arm hangs across Sam’s shoulders, and their legs and the blanket are all tangled together.” Corey realizes that they are in a romantic relationship.  

Violence  

• Kyra kills herself before the story begins. Corey’s mom says, “No one knows quite what happened, but they think she [Kyra] wandered across the lake and found a weak spot. They found her under the ice . . . She drowned.” Kyra’s suicide is a main part of the story and is mentioned often.  
• One of Corey’s old friends, Piper, and Corey argue at Kyra’s memorial service. Corey slaps Piper. “I slap her before I even realize what I’m doing.”  
• The outbuilding where Kyra lived and where Corey is now staying was set on fire. Corey has to jump out of a window to escape. “I let myself fall . . . I sliced my palm and tore open my shin, but I’m out. I gasp for air. It hurts to breathe. My throat is raw from smoke and screaming.” Corey walks away and does not receive treatment for her injuries. She has a scrape on her leg and hand, and possible smoke damage in her lungs.  
• Kyra’s father, Mr. Henderson, wants Corey to return the letters that Kyra wrote. When Corey refuses, “He lunges at me. I dodge as he reaches out to tackle me . . . His hands clamp around my throat and I can’t breathe I can’t breathe I can’t breathe . . . I ram my knee upward and he hisses when it connects with his groin . . . He holds the knife just above my bunny boot. If he pushes any harder, it’ll slide through fabric, skin, muscle.” Roshan tackles Mr. Henderson, and eventually Corey throws Kyra’s letters into the woods so Mr. Henderson will stop attacking her. These events take place over several pages.  

Drugs and Alcohol  

• Kyra was taking medication to treat her bipolar disorder. Kyra says, “She [her therapist] wants me to go. To try other medications under more supervision, more intense therapy.” Later, Corey describes, “Kyra struggled with medication from the time she got her diagnosis. She responded to drugs, but marginally. They dimmed her mania for a while, but it would only come back stronger.” 

Language    

• Profanity is used rarely. Profanity includes batshit and ass. 
• Kyra is regularly insulted by the town’s people, who call her a freak and insane.  

Supernatural  

• The residents of Lost Creek believed that Kyra’s paintings could predict the future. The Hendersons display a painting in which Kyra painted her death. “Kyra had painted herself floating under the translucent ice. Her brown hair is spread out around her, and her hazel eyes are open wide. Even as she sinks into the dark abyss of the lake, she smiles.” 
• Kyra predicted that the town garden would survive through winter, and it did. “It’s another painting of Kyra’s, but one far more realistic than her usual style . . . It’s a garden that mirrors Mrs. Robinson’s garden almost exactly as it looks now.” 
• Kyra paints a picture of two boys running, one carrying a bird. This exact scene happens a week after she paints it. “But the next Sunday, when Luke and Tobias went hiking in the woods, they returned carrying a kestrel with a broken wing.” 
• Various residents of Lost say things like “She [Kyra] foretold it.” One resident says, “She saw a future that none of us could see yet. She believed in a future, and for that, we believed in her.”

Spiritual Content  

• None 

by Abigail Clark